An Adventure: Sitting in the Screenwriters Chair for some Magical Mike Musings


There’s only so much a writer girl can do on the 405 Freeway before her mind either turns to mush or starts spinning new stories. Those of you who live in Southern California know exactly what I’m talking about. (We have a joke out here—that isn’t so much of a joke, really—that the reason they called it the 405 is because it takes 4 or 5 hours to get up it.)
Okay, so hold on to your panties (or…not), but I’m going to confess a secret. During my last few torture sessions—er, I mean journeys—on the 405, I’ve been entertaining this gooey, yummy little fantasy called, “What IF they consulted a romance writer for ideas on ‘Magic Mike Two’?”  Because you see, I was actually one of the people walking out of the theater on MM Numero Uno and NOT thinking about the dance scenes. (Side note: Chan Sweetie, you are a graceful god when the music turns up, but I’m a freak; I love your acting even more.) No lie, the only thing that kept rolling (translation: tormenting) my brain was: “This movie can’t be over.” I actually turned to my friend and said, “They could tell so much more of this story. They really could.”
Okay gang, so for better or worse, here’s the official Angel Payne “Magic Mike Two” story treatment…sort of. I’m sorta needing help with the last act of the plot. Wanna help?
SETTING THE SCENE: Mike’s working his ass off on making his new business work. He wants to settle down with Brooke but lo and behold, she has commitment issues. (Sorry, Cody Horn, but Angel has OTHER plans for Mike this time around…) Things just don’t seem to be clicking for the business, either. Mike sighs heavily a lot, and honestly thinks, “What the hell am I doing wrong here?” Goes to the water to brood and think. Insert very cool song to back this sequence, preferably by up-and-coming artist nobody’s heard of so as to make it even more cool and edgy.
During the epic brood, Mike’s phone rings. It’s Big Dick (because we SO didn’t get enough of Joe in the first movie, am I right?) and he says they need help at the new club in Tampa—like, desperately. Dallas has decided to go fall in love with an earth goddess/Reiki teacher/shakra balancer, and now he’s decided that the stripping life will corrupt his chi. They’re rudderless. They need Mike’s leadership in a big way. Well, Mike can’t let his friends down even if it means shit for HIS chi, so off he goes to Tampa.
The scene in Tampa clicks no better for him, though. He’s making more money that he ever dreamed, but it all still feels so empty. (Again, needing oh-so-cool music here.) The other guys aren’t daft. They see Mike’s in a funk, and so after work one night, they drag his ass to a GIRL stripping club. He really does NOT want to be there but they force him to sit down, making excuses that maybe he’ll pick up on some moves—ha ha ha—lots of smack talking and beers are had by all.
It’s time for the next act to come out. They introduce the girl simply as Ariel. The guys all make mermaid jokes, but from the second the dancer comes out, Mike is transfixed by her. She’s this GORGEOUS , petite brunette with huge dark eyes and a dazzling smile…and he already feels connected to her, like maybe they’ve met in another life. (Gee; who could play that part? She’d have to be a really good dancer, someone who could keep up with Channing…somebody who has CHEMISTRY with him…*taps chin*…I just dunno…something starting with a “J” is rolling through my head for some reason…)
Photo Courtesy of PETA
Ariel’s number knocks Mike on his gorgeous ass. Her act isn’t a traditional bump and grind, but rather a slow, gorgeous, erotic art form incorporating ballet moves and everything, that eventually transforms everyone in the place—especially Mike.  One thing leads to another, and the guys finally get him to go talk to her, though Mike and Ariel barely say a word to each other. She finds out he’s just in town for a little while. He finds out she’s working her way through college—but it’s taking a long time because she has to pay for it all on her own.
Finally, Tarzan ends up blurting out that Mike’s a dancer too, and Ariel should really come see him do his thing sometime. Mike is mortified—especially because a few nights later, Ariel DOES show up. Mike doesn’t find out about this until AFTER he’s performed, however.
Photo Courtesy of Fanpop
Now, here’s a tidbit of the scene that ensues after that. They’re in Mike’s dressing room (yeah, the club in Tampa has dressing rooms! Woo; fancy!) and Mike is drenched in sweat (had to give you all a visual, didn’t I?)
Mike:    Shit. I can’t believe you’re here. You actually came.
Ariel:     (With shy smile) Why are you so surprised?
Mike:    I’m not surprised. Okay, so I AM surprised. But I’m more…uh…embarrassed.
Ariel:     (Eyes go wide) Why? Are you serious?
Mike:    What I do out there…it’s nothing like what you do. It doesn’t make people feel anything.
Ariel:     Bullshit!
Mike:    Did you just say ‘bullshit?’ You…cuss?
Ariel:     Don’t change the subject. You really don’t see it?
Mike:    See what?
Ariel:     You cannot be that dense. (Her anger softens. Looks him in the eyes. Moves closer.) You give that audience a gift, Mike. You give them a few minutes of forgetting about the crap of their lives. You make them feel… (she stops, swallowing hard)
Mike:    What?
Ariel:     You make them feel excited. Alive.  When you leap, they do, too. When you grin, everyone in the room can’t help but do the same thing. You make them feel… (she smiles now too) magical.
Mike is very quiet. A beat. Another.
Mike:    Is that the way I make you feel?
Ariel is equally quiet. Eyes meet. Another heavy, yummy beat.
Ariel:     Yes.
Mike takes her face in his hands, and kisses her…
Okay, Scooby kids…believe it or not, this is where I get stuck! For those of you who know me and my incorrigible mind, you KNOW I’ve got ideas…but what about yours? Where do we—er, I mean THEY—go from here? Share, share, share…